BOOKS I RECOMMEND

The Price of Motherhood by Ann Crittenden

If You've Raised Kids, You Can Manage Anything: Leadership Begins at Home by Ann Crittenden

50 Ways to improve Women's Lives by Staff of National Council of Women's Organizations

The Female Brain by Louann Brizendine M.D.

The Feminine Mistake : Are We Giving Up Too Much? by Leslie Bennetts

Are Men Necessary?: When Sexes Collide by Maureen Dowd

I Don't Know How She Does It: The Life of Kate Reddy, Working Mother by Allison Pearson

Inventing the Rest of Our Lives: Women in Second Adulthood

Bait and Switch: The (Futile) Pursuit of the American Dream by Barbara Ehrenreich

Time Off for Good Behavior: How Hard Working Women Can Take a Break and Change Their Lives by Mary Lou Quinlan

The Female Thing: Dirt, Sex, Envy, Vulnerability by Laura Kipnis

Against Love by Laura Kipnis

The Boston Marathon went off yesterday and the field was comprised of 40% women. Forty years ago, only one woman entered and ran. The Boston Marathon is in it's 111th year and over time it has evolved. The notion of balance in women's careers is also evolutionary. A convergence of government, social and economic programs will eventually begin to swing the balance of work and personal obligations.

In the meanwhile, let's take a look at what it takes to make incremental changes in your work now. It takes confidence to pursue part time work and employers need help to find ways to make it work. Many times a seasoned employee has asked for time off to care for a family member and had the time approved only to return to work with a little cloud of stigma settled firmly around them. The best strategy to get everyone back on track is the the same one used to get the time off in the first place -- communication. For, although it is difficult to work up to courage to ask for caregiving time in the first place, we often accept that we deserve to be punished for taking it. Women, in particular, tend to believe that we just have to hunker down and pay for our flexibility.

This is not actually a bad idea because talented employees are appreciated in the office and getting back to work will quickly get things back on track. I advise people to take it one step further and to thank the boss and coworkers who helped out and to communicate clearly and often how you are prioritizing the work that was waiting upon your return. Then communicate widely how much you appreciated the flexibility your employer showed you. This will demonstrate that a precendent has been set and help others to ask for the time when they need it. Even companies who have been working to support a diverse workforce for a long time are continually evaluating and updating their support programs. Concerned employers will be quickly able to assess the productivity and retention gains they enjoy from creating part time or short term leave programs for their talented employees.

Longing for that 'ol 1950's version of housewife instead of the ridiculous schedule you are now keeping with work and kids and housekeeping? In her new book The Feminine Mistake, Leslie Bennetts points to the revival of the idealism young women have for the stay at home domestic diva. Her point is well taken-- rely on this model at your economic peril.

But, importantly, be aware that women's desire (young and old) for a simpler set of obligations is a snapshot of how overwhelming it is to be expert and efficient at both one's career and family obligations at the same time. Where are the men?

Some people would have us believe that men and women are the same. That is certainly the way the work world is constructed. There have been precious few "accommodations" for women since we entered the workforce twenty years ago. I can remember donning a floppy tie and double breasted navy suit for work. I certainly remember the one time I cried in the office -- forget that I wasn't pregnant, PMS-ing or usually "bitchy." I was, in fact, very frustrated at having been passed over again for a promotion that went to a much younger, less experienced and less successful man.

Given that large numbers of women are responsible for the minutiae of all things household, are outearning their spouses, are not taking time off but are sequencing like men in their careers, where are the men? At my house, they take out the garbage and play catch (in the kitchen) with the kids, or flop on the couch to watch a sporting event. As I have mentioned before, we have to ask . We have to ask at work for the freedom to participate as respected professionals and freedom to be mothers and daughters. From our men, we have to ask, for the exact help we need, sometimes repeatedly and definitely for their response with empathy.