In April 3rd's www.salon.com/books/ review of Meg Wolitzer's new novel Ten Year Nap, Rebecca Traister raises a question that I believe sums up the pain and frustration so many women feel in today's work world. Traister points to the "professionalism of parenthood" brought about by our generation of high achieving women who were compelled to leave the workforce. These women applied the same skills to parenting as they did to their previous jobs - and the same intensity. Wolitzer agrees and says this is the heart of the mommy wars. There is anxiety from the pull of motherhood and the pull of career in another direction. Self-doubt follows and unhappiness settles in.

As we mothers apply our professionalism to raising our kids, another type of fallout occurs - perfectionism! According to Psychology Today (March/April 2008), perfectionists are made, not born. Experts also know that perfectionism in children is increasing. Pressure on children to achieve is rampant, because parents now seek much of their status from the performance of their kids. The kids' view on this pressure to not make mistakes is self evident. They feel criticized. Raising our kids on this kind of distress will never yield adults who will be able to adapt in our fast moving world. Adaptability is the characteristic that enables the species to evolve. Kids need to be raised to be flexible and comfortable with ambiguity. They need to feel free to take risks. Since perfectionism is the "endless reportcard" this path is doomed to result in endless frustration and anxiety. Hhmm. Sounds like the mothers who off ramped from their careers.

More on this topic and how to turn things around, next time. For now, just remember to breathe.