Failing to ask feeds the balance gap in much the same way that failing to ask feeds the pay gap. You know that women are actually pretty good at negotiating on behalf of their companies, their work projects and particularly, their families. It is ironic that when it comes to perks or pay for themselves, women tend to be negotiation-shy.

There is plenty in the media currently to describe the wholesale changes needed to narrow the balance gap for families. It certainly would help if lots of women asked for change. The combined voices of many women will do something really important -- make it normal to ask. There is a tactical approach you can use for yourself while you wait for the chorus to chime in. ASK. The reason this is not a scary thing to do is that in fact, most managers expect you to initiate requests for more pay, better commissions or restructuring your schedule. Of course, most employers have policies and cultures that discourage sharing of how other employees have changed the practices. Therefore it is up to you to dig up the instances of where flexibility has been permitted in your company and industry.

Ask and don't be quick to settle. While women may be both hard-wired and socialized to not be assertive and to be sensitive to the needs of others, they are equally well equipped to fight to maintain a relationship. According to Louann Brizendine, M.D. in her wonderful book, The Female Brain, "In women, conflict is more likely to set into motion a cascade of negative chemical reactions, creating feelings of stress, upset, and fear. Just the threat of conflict will be read by the female brain as threatening the relationship." Having a well researched plan and some backup support are key to overcoming the resistance you may meet when you first begin to ask for a change in your schedule.

Time is on your side if you have a successful career with a good network of clients and peers . For decades one of the most puzzling habits of American businesses has been to lay off workers and then soon after, complain that they just cannot find enough qualified employees. What is new, however, is the undeniable shortfall of up to 10 million workers as the boomers retire. Even though American companies are pathetically shortsighted on planning for this exodus, key industries are already looking a lot like the free for all recruiting of the 90's. Industries that cannot be offshored such as healthcare, accounting, and engineering are already struggling to fill job openings. The gap between companies seeing the value of retaining a seasoned employee and chasing a recent college recruit is your opportunity. Go ASK.